To Not Be A Scapegoat, But How? |

What keeps us grounded?

Through everything that happens in the world we need to hold on to someone at one point in time no matter how strong we are, so what is it that we go to at the end of the day?

Family it is, but is every family perfect? No, it isn’t. What does being a scapegoat mean? Some say it is not even a real thing.


Scapegoat refers to a person who is often or most of the time targeted for someone else’s fault, everyone in a family or a group tends to put the blame of their own frustration on a specific member.

The term scapegoat first coined by English Protestant scholar William Tyndale in his 1530 English translation of the Bible, and according to David Dawson’s 2013 book “Flesh Becomes Word”: A Lexicography of the Scapegoat Or, the History of an Idea.

Tyndale deciphered in Hebrew descriptions of Yom Kippur rituals from the Book of Leviticus, where he recounted a ceremony in which one of two goats was selected by the public, which is then proceeded by the ceremony by a high priest where he places his hand on the goat’s head and confesses his people's sins; therefore transferring the sins to the animal before molding it out into the wilderness to free Israel of its misdemeanors whereas the other goat is sacrificed to the Lord.

What happens?

It is observed from proper hindsight that there is always a member in a family or a person in a group who is the scapegoat, be it intentionally or unintentionally and some of us are no unknown to these treatments.

Receiving verbal or physical bullies and being blamed for every little thing, absorbing all of the bitterness in the house, we would always face depreciated treatments; like getting late news on our dear one’s well-beings or any other distress issues which we have to later receive from the extended family members or someone else and it helps no one but would only make us feel excluded.

A scapegoat in a family can be anyone regardless of age and they gradually happen to develop a thick outer shell or emotional barrier in accordance to protect themselves. In the case of children, many of them develop certain mental disturbances upon the abandonment as they bottle their feelings up while many turn into a bully to free up their own feelings or take revenge for what they have been missing at home.

When parents happen to make their child a scapegoat, it may be in a form of unintentional revenge of themselves being a scapegoat in their childhood, for abandonment often seems to do that. It is a cyclical process when if one steps away the role is automatically passed onto another member of the family.

Some take it as it is thinking it to be their destiny while some fight to get out of that situation, and stepping out of it is an utmost requirement; remember we should never settle for less and it applies to every single relation in a person’s life.

What makes it begin?

Narcissism and grandiosity pull a person to a depth that they don’t feel peace without blaming someone else for their own faults or frustrations. They target a specific person in the family who is weaker than the rest to let out everything every time; making them feel worthless or unlovable.

However, you need to allow yourself to step away from being the scapegoat of the family, it is hard but not impossible, many grow up with conditions like depressions or Abandoned Child Syndrome due to the lack of nurturing or parental involvement in their early years which later happens to develop into further issues such as:

  • Trust issues

  • Giving too much or afraid to give in at all

  • Alcohol abuse or drug abuse

  • Control issues

  • Attachment issues

  • Hesitancy

Not being able to find a supportive ground whilst being in this situation has also cost many lives and hence it is important to move away from the toxic environment so you can have your own personal peaceful growth away from the narcissistic people.

What to do?

There is no point to point rule book on how to exactly get out of the scapegoat situation, all you can do is refrain from unnecessary arguments, take your much needed time and space with clear boundaries from specific people, there will always be a group or someone out there for you who will be the constant ground; a solid support system towards which you can lean on to while remembering to know which is your sole responsibility.

Talk yourself out of tangled situations, tough up the value of “no” when you don’t want to do certain stuff, register the words inside yourself that you don’t have to do some things if you don’t want to and it should be made clear to the other person too. For emotional and physical space is the key to peace that every single person deserves.

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