Why Do People Cheat? Forgiving A Cheater And Moving On - 17 Reasons And Tips | ayeyouth.com

The feeling of being loved remains one of the most desired human emotions. I mean who doesn't like to be loved? But, what if, a third party starts to enter your relationship without your consent and starts spoiling everything between you and your significant other? What if your partner starts cheating on you? What would you do in this scenario?

Cheating! The dreaded buzz word in dating life just can't seem to have gotten old. But is cheating uncommon? To the surprise of many, surveys state that cheating isn't uncommon. In fact, every other person has the full potential to cheat, whether it be consciously or unconsciously.

For some, cheating is having a physical relationship with someone outside the relationship without your knowledge. For others, cheating may involve sharing emotional vulnerability with someone else outside the relationship.

Hence, cheating can mainly take 2 forms, physical cheating, and emotional cheating.

Why do people cheat?

There is no hard and fast rule, why someone would cheat on someone else when they themselves don't want to be inflicted with the same pain that they have given to someone else by cheating. However, instead of playing the blame game in this article, we will try to decode some possible reasons behind cheating.

Here is the list of 9 commonly cited reasons for cheating:

1. Commitment:

Oftentimes, it is seen that couples may not be on the same page of commitment. While for some, you might be thinking of getting into a serious relationship with your significant other but your significant other may not be thinking the same at the moment. This may lead to frequent tensions in a relationship leading to fights and disagreements. You may also feel like your partner doesn't love you anymore and hence it is a possibility for both the partners to seek an alternative to meet the emotional needs.

2. Lack of Communication:

Communication is the key to engage in a happy and healthy relationship. If that key itself is lost, it may be hard for you to find an alternative. There might be various reasons why you'll start to communicate less, it might be work-related or it might also be because of the unmet needs. People in long-distance relationships cite lack of communication to be one of the most common reasons behind break up from their significant other.

3. Unmet Physical Needs:

Your partner might have more sexual desires as compared to you or vice versa. It is hard to deny that physical needs are as important as emotional needs. Because your body is needy towards 'Dopamine'. It's hard to measure how much physical need is too much. Hence, you need to set your own limit in a relationship. However, if you're unable to come on the same terms with your partner, your partner might go on the search for someone who can fulfill his/her desires or what you can call 'physical thirst'.

4. Falling out of love:

At the start of a relationship, you might feel the loud thumping of your heart, a little push and pull, excitement, which might be projected on your face with the redness of your cheeks. However, this mightn't last long as your body gets used to the feeling of stability in his/her presence. You might get busy in your own life as usual and a point might come when you'll fall out of love. Hence, it is stated that it is easy to fall in love but it is hard to maintain your love life. You or your partner might start to take the road which is often taken,i.e., search for a new spark in your life. This may lead to infidelity. It might just be emotional cheating or physical cheating or it might include both.

5. Unsure about the end of a relationship:

We hear couples complaining about how they have been with different people without the knowledge of their partner as they are bored in their relationship. Often, I ended up asking, "Then why are you still in this relationship?". To which they replied, "I'm unsure about the end of our relationship". They have accepted that they've drifted apart from their partners but they are so used to being around their partners because of stability and security that they don't want to risk getting out of the relationship. Hence, they continue to cheat on their partners knowingly and unknowingly. This might go on for a long period or end in a short while, leaving prolonged emotional scars on both parties.

6. Low-self esteem:

Some people are addicted to attention. This might be the result of low self-esteem. A person with low self-esteem isn't sure about his decisions. Their lives revolve around the judgment of people and hence they can be lured easily towards temptation. If a person with low self-esteem feels that he is getting more amount of attention from a new party, he might consider either to jump to a new relationship after a break up from the previous relationship or not even bother to break up with the previous partner and secretly start dating. The second condition amounts to 'cheating'.

7. Depression:

A depressed individual sometimes maybe in search of euphoria that they might be able to feel even for the shortest amount of time. In this scenario, he's not considering the consequences of his actions. Hence, he might end up cheating the person that he loved the most unintentionally to feel the slightest euphoria.

8. Circumstantial:

A person might end up cheating under the influence of alcohol or other substances. Imagine, you and your partner are having constant fights for quite some time now and he decides to go to a bar. Now, in the bar, he meets a hot girl who shows interest in him. They start to talk and feel that there's a connection between them and they end up sleeping together. This can be counted as cheating.

9. Want of variety:

Can 1 person fulfill all your needs? The answers are likely to vary. As the relationship gets older, you might start to notice your partner's loopholes more precisely. Hence, some may prefer to take the help of the last call, "the option of variety". This way all your needs are met without having to pressurize your partner about it or having to face the difficult task of confrontation. This is ultimately one of the rising causes of cheating. With more number of social networking sites and dating apps becoming more accessible, your want for variety is just a fingertip away.


It is said that “relationships are like a scale, too much or too little can equally affect the balance either way.”

Relationships break, it is made up of all flaws and imperfections and just as mentioned above it is easy to fall and get into a relationship but it is not always easy to keep it going. And when it breaks you either try to reconcile or just end up hanging in it.

It is to be noted that want of variety in case of infidelity and an open relationship is different. When we talk about the want of variety, it indicates wanting to be in emotional or physical attachment with the third party without their partner's consent, whereas in an open relationship, the partners in consent when it comes to respecting their partner's want for variety. So, an open relationship may lead to cheating but open relationships, in general, don't mean infidelity.

Can you reconcile?

When a relationship breaks the first thought that usually occurs in our minds is “salvage what is left” and reconciliation more or less depends on the damage and the will to save the relationship. Then there’s the series of questions that often comes along when you try to think of reconciling the relationship with your partner like “Will it work again?” or “Why aren’t the feelings going away if we are done?

1. Trust Issue:

Over time you often tend to develop trust issues with your partner after stumbling upon certain obstacles in the relationship, phases shift after a certain period of time into it and sometimes you settle on just putting up with the other just for the sake of it.

2. Trust Build:

It is very well known that building back trust has a high chance of not being as smooth as before for it takes immense time and work for both the parties because a relationship binds you with your partner to the very core, and it’s upon you whether you let the bind turn into tangles or keep it well kneaded.

3. Respect:

One of the most important aspects that need to be present in a relationship is the respect for each other’s required space whether that may be mental space, emotional space, or physical space and having an open conversation with the partner where honesty and putting efforts are few of the key aspects that can hold the stone from utterly turning down.


Does forgiveness help?

Forgiveness is also one of the strong bases while reconciling a breaking or broken relationship or forgiving each other helps in providing closure for you to move on. But again for you to each other comprehensive communication a must.

Do you ask why the need for further communication when you’ve already forgiven each other?

The main reason why an utter open conversation is required to have with your partner if you’re moving on or giving yourself solely to your partner as claimed it is a must for you both to understand each other’s insecurities, borders, triggers, limits, or more; it’s either participation of both the teams or it’s a drowning ship in the sea.

Toxicity in a relationship

Lack of effort and honest conversation can gradually lead to jealousy, cheatings, trust issues which will take a swift into toxicity in your relationship.

Where to stop? Do we reassess?

You wonder sometimes that it’s all getting too much more than you can handle, then when to stop?

How do you know where you need to pause and reassess? Or completely get the whole thing over?

1) It happens that people get stuck in toxic relationships when reconciliation doesn’t work out properly. You might fall for the manipulation when the efforts seem to go useless and honesty no longer exists between you and your partner. So when and how do you really stop? How much of a red flag is actually needed to understand that your relationship is turning absolute toxic for both? Do you wait till you can collect the maximum mistake?

2) If there’s anything you should know, that is the truth that there is no 1 red flag or 10 red flags to tell you the “stop”, you shouldn’t have to always walk up till where you have to activate your fight or flight mode.

3) Saying “NO” at one point is a must and believe it or not it won’t harm as much as it might seem to be, no doubt the pain it might cause in the process.

4) Toxic relationships have no age, but it has got to stop at one point, wherever it is, free yourself and begin anew from there.

5) Putting yourself in the damped place in your relationship that needs more than repair only has got to offer damages to you and also to your partner. You might have heard about the phrase “right person wrong time” and that might be implied in some way into your life too but “wrong time” here is the villain. Sometimes in a relationship, it needs more than giving and taking chances, you need to look out for your own happiness before things take a deeper dive and it’s too late.

“At times we are selfish for the sanity of both the parties. We might resent each other today, but sure appreciate it later someday in a long time.”

If you ask Google, what's the best relationship advice then a lot of ads triggering you to try a dating website or to try to take advice from dating coaches might pop up. But, if you ask me, what's the best advice to maintain an all-time healthy relationship then there is none.

After all, every relationship is unique and you're the coach and divorce lawyer of your relationship. So, just decide, what's best for you.

- Written by Seema Daimary and Chen O.

#relationship #cheat #breakup #toxicrelationship #forgiveness #respect #trust #love #ayeyouth #youmatter

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